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Summer, 2011
You can only sneak so many pucks of Grizzly Wintergreen in your parents living room before you start to lose it.
There I was, fresh out of my Sophomore year at University of Florida, imprisoned in my parents home approximately 45 minutes from the nearest non-hillbilly party scene in Orange Park, Florida.
Most of my fraternity brothers made the excellent decision to stay behind in Gainesville over the summer semesters; I didn’t have the money or credit hours to spare (At this point, I was set to graduate early, an opportunity I had absolutely zero interest in pursuing). Any other “local” pals were at least an hour away from the quiet townhome my parents recently moved to.
Carless, jobless, and practically lifeless at this point, my days were spent endlessly clicking the StumbleUpon button (real ones remember) to find those gems that only the early-aughts Internet could provide.
Internet comedy was going through an interesting evolution at this time. With several social media platforms rapidly gaining popularity, e-comedy symbiotically molded itself to match the apps on which it would appear.
In the 140-character limited wasteland of 2011 Twitter, short Hedbergian quips reigned supreme, with Texts From Last Night and Total Frat Move being standouts of the era.
YouTube creators skewed to the bizarre and offbeat. As Will Ferrel & co’s quotables fell out of grace, Tim & Eric’s Old Spice commercials set the table for the later Nyan Cats and the classics like Charlie The Unicorn still could bring a laugh.
Finally, we had comedy blogs. While the increased attention span requirement made these less common than their comedy counterparts, websites like Maddox’s Best Page in The Universe and Stuff White People Like were two very successful manifestations.
As I endlessly browsed, dreaming of my next weekend getaway to Gainesville, an idea began to form. As a generally funny dude with an English degree in the works, I wondered if there was an opportunity to turn my passion for writing into a profit.
I dabbled in some other online projects over the summer- pretty sure I still have a byline out there on Bleacher Report, and I had a recurring column in The Odyssey, a campus-specific newspaper delivered to fraternity and sorority houses at UF.
None of these gigs paid a cent. I had all but given up on my writing career prospects for the summer when a new piece of content scrolled across my shitty Android phone of the day (NF).
“We Are Looking For Writers,” someone named “TFMIntern” implored. “And we will pay you” the mysterious figure continued.
I got to work.
A few days later, SFPL was born. My plan was to combine two of my favorite content sites to create the most bombastic version of a stereotypical frat guy. While my content was long form, I did my best to keep it short, digestible, and most importantly sharable. I didn’t know it then, but I was lurking on the fringe of the viral Facebook formula that would later dictate nearly all of our business decisions.
Instead of reaching out directly to TFM, I decided I’d look more legit if I created a website first. Tumblr seemed to be the easiest, so I plugged in some weird software called “Google Analytics,” wrote a few 500-word articles, and watched my traffic remain at a steady 1 session per day. Oh, and I also got a buddy to photoshop a badass header image.
While my traffic was far from impressive, I felt that the goal of legitimacy had been achieved. I copy/pasted the column from Google Docs into a Wordpress submission form, and waited. It didn’t take long.
I didn’t know it at the time, but this email completely changed my life. I shudder to think of what my non-Grandex employment prospects would have been later with a ROI-questionable English Literature degree in hand. But that’s a story for another day.
Eleven years later and I oddly find myself in a similar position. With my last job not turning out the way I expected, I find myself temporarily under-employed, and more or less stuck at home until I find my next role.
With nothing but time on my hands, I might as well employ the same strategy that changed my trajectory in 2011. In most cases, I would not recommend following the advice of yourself at age 20, but in this case I think it’s worth a shot.
As I’m sure you’ve gathered, this newsletter will focus on my personal experience at Grandex. This will cover good things and bad, but if you’ve signed up for this expecting “tea,” you will be disappointed. This is not a bridge burning exercise.
While I have not spoken to my previous co-workers about this project, I do hope there will be opportunities to collaborate down the road. Holler at me.
Lastly, this newsletter will not be free. Please note the previously mentioned under-employment. There may be free content now and again, but I’ll greatly appreciate your support whenever I add the little paid subscription button.
If these disclaimers haven’t scared you off, welcome! I am winging this to an extent (read: completely), so if there are any questions or content you’d like to see, you know where to find me.
Please consider sharing this newsletter wherever outcast former Grandex fans are found.